Author Archives: Charlotte Roberts

The butterfly effect & metamorphosis

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The Butterfly Effect

Whilst trying to explain to a friend what my performance is about, I found myself talking about ‘leaps of faith’ and how one small decision can effect your whole life. For example, in my case, if I choose to say ‘yes’ to opportunities that take me further afield, there may be success that could alter my life completely. This made me think back to a film I had watched, Eric Bress and Mackye Gruber’s thriller The Butterfly Effect (2004). I did some research on the actual butterfly effect theory and it seemed to link very nicely to my show. This age-old paradox suggests that even the smallest of incidents, such as a butterfly flapping its wings, can significantly alter the outcome. It can ultimately create a domino effect. All this because ‘you took the risk to flap your wings one more time’ (Russell, 2011, xxiii). Victoria Howard and Allan Jay Friedman’s book The Butterfly Effect: How To Become Who You Already Are (2011) encourages courage and wisdom in the decisions we make, suggesting that we should ‘remove the would haves and could haves from our vocabulary’ (Howard and Friedman, 2011, 21). They stress how important it is to ‘remember that you have absolutely no limitations, other than the limitations you impose upon yourself’ (ibid, 73). They state that the butterfly effect can encourage people to break free and emerge from their cocoons of content, and regain control of their own destiny. This made me consider the metamorphosis process of a butterfly.

butterfly

Metamorphosis 

Friedman and Howard also use the butterfly effect draw parallels to the metamorphosis process of a butterfly. They comment that ‘we are a metaphorical example of that creature that must go through the transformational process of shedding it’s skin (our clutter) just like a caterpillar does, in order to see the light and evolve into that beautiful butterfly it already is’ (ibid, 66). This notion of becoming the person you already are really resonates with me. I like the idea that we are all these amazing people who are just waiting to take that leap of faith in order to become the people we desire to be. I can also understand how we have an undeniable need to express ourselves, spread our wings of creativity, and fly headfirst into all the possibilities life offers us. Making one small decision could provide the opportunity to expose your true selves, ‘be the best you can be and to follow your dreams’ (ibid). Friedman and Howard state something that I found quite inspirational. They state ‘that way you can fulfill your purpose-driven destiny to be a model for other butterflies, like yourself, to emulate’ (ibid, 73). I know it is a lot to ask of a performance, but I would love to create something that may inspire others take that leap from their norm.

butterfly-change-metamorphosis

Link to my performance 

The butterfly effect and metamorphosis link very well into my current state of mind, and thus my performance. I am at a position in my life where every single decision I make could influence the outcome of my life. I can’t let any of them pass by because I will live a life of “should haves” and “could haves”, and always wonder “what if”. I see my relationships with my family and boyfriend like the butterflies cocoon. They are a vital part of my life, as I cannot develop to my fullest potential without them. They provide a safe haven where life is kind and simple and, in a way, provide a place where I am blissfully ignorant and protected from the outside world. However in order for me to become this developed butterfly, I need to break free from these comforting cocoons. However reluctant I may be to leave these cocoons, I understand that it is necessary for my development in life, or fear I may stay a cocoon forever.

Work Cited

Bress, E., Gruber, M. (dir.) (2004) The Butterfly Effect. [film] New Line Cinema.

Howard, V., Friedman, A. J. (2011) The Butterfly Effect: How To Become Who You Already Are. Bloomington: Author House.

Russell, R. G. (2011) The Butterfly Effect of Grace: Simple words, Simple acts, Simply amazing. Untied States of America: Xulon Press.

A slight deviation

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Over the Easter break I made the decision to slightly alter the message of the show. It is now less about making the decision to break away from the relationships that were supposedly “holding me back” (which in hindsight, was not at all what I wanted to portray), but rather about my personal reluctance to part from them. Neither my family nor my boyfriend have ever told me that I couldn’t go chase my dreams, no matter how far they make take me, they have always been so supportive and understanding. The reality is, in fact, that I am my own worst enemy. It is my own unconscious desires that are grounding me. The wonderful relationships that I have with my family and boyfriend are what make it harder for me to want to go and explore. They are like my comfort blanket and there is a part of me that doesn’t want to leave them.

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Throughout Easter this solo show was constantly on my mind, and it made me think about what I want in life and how I need to go about and chase it. Ironically enough I actually answered the question that I was basing my whole performance on. I’ve decided that I am going to go or do whatever it takes to try and make it in the industry. This left me with a new outlook on my performance. This new outlook, along with the understanding that it was in fact my own unconscious desire not to leave, enabled me to alter the overall message of my performance. I am now focusing on the change and leap-of-faith that people have to go through to chase their dreams.

The structure of the show will remain exactly the same. I will still speak about each relationship, and make music from objects that reminds me of them. However each relationship will be cherished on stage, and presented as a wonderful thing, rather than having negative restraints and presenting them as a hindrance – which they never were.

Little book of notes

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Over the Easter break I took the opportunity to gain some vital material for my show. As my show is based on my relationships with my family and boyfriend I realised that surrounding myself with these people could put me in a position where I could find the most raw thoughts and feelings. Within their book Creating Solo Performance, Sean Bruno and Luke Dixon stated that ‘your brain is always working. It may be doing some of your best work on your performance when you are least aware of it’ (Bruno and Dixon, 2015, 35). They suggested to ‘keep a notebook by you at all times. A little one that you can slip in a pocket and pull out at a moments notice’ (ibid). Therefore, I did carry a little notebook around with me everywhere I went, writing down things that I overheard, felt, or simply ideas or phrases I thought could be useful. This turned out to be extremely useful and I found myself purposely listening out for things to write down. The following are the notes that I gathered over the Easter break. Most of them are about my family rather than my boyfriend. Many of them do not make sense, and will not be used, however they have influenced my overall thought process considerably.

My Notes

I am like an ember, I could burn out into a little pile of ash, or with a little bit of effort, I could erupt into a spectacular burning inferno.

I am at a literal crossroad in life. I am at the warp and weft of life (sewing threads).

They’ve got this emotional hold on me

The power is at our fingertips, we’ve just got to turn it up

My mum got my sister and I an Easter bunny toy. Ever since we were little she got us a rabbit or chick toy with an Easter egg, and for some reason, even though my sister and I are 18 and 22 now, and have absolutely no desire for this anymore, she still gets us these little toys. It is things like this that make it impossible to “grow up”. My mum still treats us to soft cuddly toys to keep us “her little girls”. A sign that she’s not ready for us to grow up. Grasping at every childhood tradition for as long as she can, which as a mother, I completely understand.

There is a big hole in my life where achievement should be. Where ambition is clambering to get through. A podium where first place is still up for grabs

Over Easter one of my oldest friends broke the news that she is moving to Houston, USA, to start a new life with her boyfriend. Although this broke my heart to know that half the world would now divide us, I cannot deny that it provided emotions that were just what I needed for my show. This is what I wrote about this: While I’m sat in a caravan, in the pouring rain, in the middle of a sheep field, playing our 10th game of rummy of the evening, my friend is grabbing life with both hands and moving to America. She was always the one who cried at sleepovers to go home, the one who wouldn’t go exploring when where were on holiday. I was always the explorative, independent one. How the roles have reversed, how the tables have turned. What have I become?

Everyone will grow up, but never grow apart

Like branches on a tree, we grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one

Wanting to be part of my family, yet having my own life

I’ve been away at uni for three years and I’ve really established my own lifestyle

I am/was the free sprit of my family

A new start. My “Hawk on a cork”- I have always been restless, I have always had itchy feet, and if you see me at my finest, I have never been quite normal. My mum and I call this my ‘hawk on a cork”. To this day I’m really not sure where this derived from, but it seems to have stuck and has now become the mantra I live by. It symbolises my uniqueness, my craziness, my darn right oddness and spontaneity. It is my hawk on a cork that is driving me towards my dreams, to be explorative, to be confident, to be independent. However my growing pains are proving hard for me to fly away from. It is my love for my family and friends that can sometimes cause this hawk to clip her own wings. However, this hawk will then find a 9 to 5 job, get a mortgage, get a house and fill it with Ikea’s finest cream and beige furniture with pink cushions and bows. Now this hawk was never a fan of the bows, cream and beige, Ikea, and all the things most people desire. This hawk wants reds and oranges, silvers, golds fluorescent greens, a multi-colored wonderland of possibilities. I cherish my relationships, and I love every aspect of every single one of them. However, I’ve realised that to keep my fire stoked, I may have to make the jump. I do not want to abandon a lifetime of love for a spontaneous selfish gut instinct, but sometimes you have to take one step back to go two steps forward.

Work Cited

Bruno, S., Dixon, L. (2015) Creating Solo Performance. Oxfordshire: Routledge.

Adam Page & Stomp

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Adam Page

Musician and solo artist Adam Page has provided me with an abundance of ideas for my show. He is an Australian solo performer that specialises in music looping. He performed at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2013 and it was that performance which drew my attention to him. He is an insanely talented guy who can not only make music out of the most random and bazar objects, but he can also hold the audience’s attention throughout.

(Adam Page, 2013)

The following performance shows his ability to create music out of everyday objects that were lying around, including a sweet potato. I really like the idea of using lots of items and it has influenced me to slightly alter my performance. I originally wanted to make music only from the restraints themselves. Although after watching Adam Page use a multitude of objects to create a layered soundscape, I realised this would create more depth.

(Adam Page, 2012)

Whilst watching how he uses different object it made me realised that I could use objects that remind me of my relationship with my parents, sister and boyfriend. I would have them laid out around the tv screen to create three separate areas of objects that represent the three people I speak about. This would allow the music I create to represent the whole of my relationship with them rather than only the negative restraints. I want to portray how much these relationships mean to me and portray them in a good light, rather than portraying them as a burden as that is not how I see them.

Stomp

After researching Adam Page, it reminded me of Luke Cresswell and Steve McNicholas’ show Stomp (1991). I have always loved this show and I jumped at the chance to incorporate something similar within my own performance. The whole show consists of the actors creating beats and music out of everyday objects such as bins, sinks, brooms, newspapers etcetera. After watching both Adam Page and Stomp I have been experimenting with beats and sounds from everyday objects in my house, for example, photo albums, mugs, letters, pens etcetera. I hope that with the involvement of a loop box, I could create a detailed soundscape similar to theirs.

(Show & Stay, 2013)

Work Cited

Adam Page (2012) Adam Page Solo in Wellington 2009 – Kumerwah. [online video] Available from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkRTj6YeqLY [Accessed 25 March 2016].

Adam Page (2013) ADAM PAGE at the Edinburgh Fringe FULL SHOW. [online video] Available from http://youtu.be/ivZQFIGwX4E [Accessed 25 March 2016].

Show & Stay (2013) Stomp Show Trailer. [online video] Available from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-KDj0AHymU [Accessed 25 March 2016].

Language & poetry

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I have been looking into language over the last week, reading books and watching plays in the hope of finding inspiration for my shows dialogue.

I watched Nicholas Hytner’s film The Lady in the Van (2015) and I was enthralled by the use of language. The words within this film were so satisfyingly beautiful, yet witty and piercing at the same time. The use of language from the character of Alan Bennett, a Northern writer, displayed much of the descriptive language I want to include in my own piece. His creative use of adjectives, juxtaposed with harsh swear words, brought something quite beautiful to the not-so-beautiful meaning of the sentence. I really liked the way that Haytner wrote the dialogue for this movie, however much of it was based on the actual writer Alan Bennett’s book titled the same The Lady in the Van (1989). I looked further into his writings and have taken a lot from the way he powerfully yet poetically describes situations.

This descriptive use of language reminded me of Chris Goode’s play The Adventures of Woundman and Shirley (2011) that we read in class. Although I don’t particularly enjoy the play, I did acknowledge Goode’s fantastic ability to bring situations to life through language. He uses descriptive detailed metaphors with a sprinkling of nonsense, for example, ‘All over his body: Weapons, sticking out at crazy angles like the cocktail sticks in a cheese and pineapple hedgehog at a little kids birthday party. His whole body a torture chamber’ (Goode, 2001, 7).

The-lady-in-the-van   Wound_Man_Artwork_compressed

An example of the language in The Adventures of Woundman and Shirley (2011)

(Hull Truck Theatre, 2012)

An example of the language in The Lady in the Van (2015)

(Movieclips Coming Soon, 2015)

Listening to the poetic nature of the language from this play and film lead me to look into poetry. I stumbled black upon a poem that I read during GCSE English in school, The Road Not Taken (1991) by Robert Frost and Louis Untermeyer. Whilst studying at school the poem had not relevance to me, it was simply another run-of-the-mill stock poem that all 17 year olds had to study. However after reading it again at an older age, and with the current emotional crossroads lingering in my mind, this poem suddenly makes so much sense and I would really like to incorporate this poem in the opening section of my performance:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

(Frost and Untermeyer, 1991)

Work cited

Frost, R., Untermeyer, L. (1991) The road not taken: a selection of Robert Frost’s poems. New York: H. Holt and Co.

Goode, C. (2001) The Adventures of Woundman and Shirley. London: Oberon Books.

Hull Truck Theatre (2012) The Adventures of Wound Man and Shirley. [online video] Available from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud5jsvC1x4g [Accessed 17 March 2016].

Movieclips Coming Soon (2015) The Lady in the Van movie clip – Move in day (2015) – Maggie Smith, Alex Jennings Movie HD. [online video] Available from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnFs3DN1eNU [Accessed 17 March 2016].